1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,672 MAN: Hi, there. 2 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,507 CHRIS ROCK: In professional sports, 3 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,742 the best athletes get a sneaker contract. 4 00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:10,411 Are those Air Jordans? 5 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,380 Yeah. My dad got them for me last year. 6 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:13,481 Oh, that's so cool. 7 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,083 He's like the best guy in the NBA. 8 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,485 As cool as it was having Jordan sneakers, 9 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,654 it was nowhere near as cool as having a varsity letter. 10 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,423 Man, I would set these sneakers on fire 11 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,325 and eat them for a varsity letter. 12 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,460 That's how David Blaine got his. 13 00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:27,795 I'd get respect. 14 00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:28,796 Good morning, sir. 15 00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,398 Here are your books. 16 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:32,266 What time would you like to smack the crap out of me? 17 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,268 2:30. Thank you, sir. 18 00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:35,603 I'd get perks. 19 00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:36,770 Chris, 20 00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,772 you're excused from all of your classes. 21 00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,508 Professor Lee will be taking them for you. 22 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,176 Is he smart? 23 00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,644 Chris, he's Asian. 24 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:47,415 If you could turn his smart into black, 25 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:50,084 he'd be darker than Yaphet Kotto in a pot of chocolate. 26 00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:51,252 Cool. 27 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:52,520 If Yaphet Kotto fell 28 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,822 into your pot of chocolate, how would you know? 29 00:00:54,855 --> 00:01:00,261 And I'd get the only thing I really cared about-- girls. 30 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,729 GIRLS: Good morning, Chris. 31 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,164 Good morning, angels. 32 00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,373 Watch it, Jabbar. 33 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,574 Oh, man, he scuffed your shoe. 34 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:14,708 I don't care about this shoe. 35 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,009 I want to get one of them letters. 36 00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:19,513 And the letter's gonna get me one of those girls. 37 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:35,629 * Ah, make it funky now. 38 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:45,706 Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION 39 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:54,615 Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION 40 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:55,916 CHRIS ROCK: Wanting a letter was one thing. 41 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,152 Figuring out how to get it was a whole other story. 42 00:01:58,186 --> 00:01:59,687 How am I supposed to get a letter in a sport 43 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,322 when I'm terrible at sports? 44 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,424 Maybe there's something a guy like you would be good at. 45 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,226 I need a sport without water, 46 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:08,496 balls, hoops, hurdles, bats, cleats, clubs, gloves, 47 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,265 tracks, fields, weights or boards. 48 00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:12,433 Isn't that cheerleading? 49 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,302 How about wrestling? 50 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,369 I can't wrestle. Anybody can wrestle. 51 00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:16,837 It's just two guys on a mat 52 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,005 trying to throw each other down. 53 00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,874 Or as they call it in Chelsea, "Wednesday." 54 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,576 No way. I'll get killed. 55 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:23,744 I only weigh 112 pounds. 56 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:24,612 They got weight classes. 57 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,447 You only have to fight people your size. 58 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,349 If you can't beat a guy who weighs 112 pounds, 59 00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:30,484 you don't deserve that letter. 60 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,820 * The B to the R, Double-O, K, Lyn * 61 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,922 * Comin' straight from Brooklyn, you know that I'm-a win * 62 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,391 * The B to the R, Double-O, K, Lyn * 63 00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:39,627 * The B to the R, Double-O, K, Lyn... * 64 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:40,594 I can do that. 65 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:41,462 Do what? 66 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,197 Make a video for Video Turntable. 67 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:44,232 You can't sing. 68 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,566 I'm not gonna sing. 69 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:46,800 I'm gonna be the producer, 70 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,569 like Hurby Luv Bug with Salt-N-Pepa. 71 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,471 How you gonna do that? 72 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,207 Yo, welcome back. 73 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,476 Hey! Want to get your video played on Video Turntable? 74 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,977 Send it in and get paid. 75 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:57,945 The more it gets played, 76 00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,981 The more you gets * paid. 77 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,317 Yo. Section Eight. Hit me. 78 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,718 * In-In-novator 79 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,954 * In-novator, in-in-ovator... * 80 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,622 See? I told you. 81 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,524 I'm gonna put together a girl group, 82 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:11,992 make a video and get it on TV. 83 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,761 It'll be cool. 84 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,996 * I'm the Arabian Prince and the crew is the Sheiks * 85 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:19,333 * We are here to move your feet * 86 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,702 Can I be in it? No. 87 00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,837 * To rock the population, give you no compensation... * 88 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,973 While Tonya tried to get into Drew's group, 89 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,576 my mother tried to get into a pair of jeans. 90 00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:38,786 Dang it! 91 00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:52,600 She sweated less during childbirth. 92 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:53,801 That's it. 93 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:54,968 I'm going on a diet. 94 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,604 While my mother 95 00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,739 was struggling to put on her jeans, 96 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:01,309 I was struggling to put on a brave face. 97 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,617 Nice job. 98 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:10,951 Next. 99 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:18,992 What do you weigh? 100 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,828 One-twelve. 101 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,796 We got nobody in your weight class. 102 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:26,500 Guess I'll just leave, then. 103 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,669 Don't be an idiot. 104 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:29,903 You weighed in at 112. 105 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,639 You'll wrestle 113. 106 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,641 Got nobody in your weight class? 107 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,677 You're automatically on the varsity. 108 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:37,811 The first time in my life 109 00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:40,614 being a skinny nerd worked in my favor. 110 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,683 Meanwhile, Drew found a place to rehearse 111 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,352 with a man who drove a hearse. 112 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,654 So I just need to rent your place for rehearsals. 113 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:50,524 Huh. So you won't be videotaping anything untoward, will you? 114 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:51,825 I don't know what that means. 115 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:55,896 It means-- lewd, nude, crude, 116 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,598 lascivious, naked, 117 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,066 nasty. 118 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,634 In that case, no. 119 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,703 Okay, then, pay me half in advance. 120 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:08,442 Oh. Nice doing business with you, Drew. 121 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,847 * Uh... Uh... 122 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:14,915 * Uh... 123 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,083 * Uh. 124 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,451 Next! 125 00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:18,819 * Zzp, zzp, zzp, zzp 126 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,355 * Hee-he-he-he-how, hee-he-he-he-he-he-how * 127 00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:22,556 * Hee-he-he-he-how 128 00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:23,791 * Hee-he-he-he-he-he-how 129 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,893 * Hee-he-he-he-how, hee-he-he-he-he-he-how * 130 00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:26,927 * Hee-he-he-he-how Next. 131 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:27,961 * Hee-he-he-he-how. 132 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,033 Aren't you gonna do something? 133 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,635 Why don't you do something? 134 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,537 'Cause I'm the one auditioning you. 135 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,906 No one talk to Princess Latifah like that! 136 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,073 Next! 137 00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,460 That was cool. 138 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:00,828 So, what's the name of your group? 139 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,396 It's gonna be called Fish and Chips. 140 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:03,163 So, you guys in? 141 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,598 Yeah! Yeah! 142 00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:05,933 Cool. 143 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:06,967 While Drew was taking 144 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,836 his first steps towards the charts, 145 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,838 I was taking my first steps on the mat. 146 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,741 Chris, since this is your first day on the mat, 147 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,643 I'm gonna walk you through some moves. 148 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:16,910 You watch wrestling on TV? 149 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:17,911 All the time. 150 00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:20,481 Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, the Iron Sheik. 151 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:21,782 I love all those guys. 152 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,817 Well, that's too bad, 'cause all that crap is fake. 153 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:26,787 Oh. Well, what's first? 154 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,625 This is a cross-face. 155 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:37,765 This is the neck scissors. 156 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:42,770 This is a half nelson. 157 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,642 This is the full nelson. 158 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,979 This is a Ricky Nelson. 159 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,814 That's a joke-- Ricky Nelson. 160 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,517 See, I said half, full, then Ricky. 161 00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:57,685 You like that? 162 00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:58,886 Hilarious. 163 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,921 Back at home, I found out 164 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,956 when the woman of the house goes on a diet, 165 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:06,193 everybody in the house goes on a diet. 166 00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,828 Okay, everybody, 167 00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,730 dinner is served. 168 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,932 No, it ain't. What is this? 169 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,502 It's the Nipsey Russell Bermudian Diet. 170 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,236 Why are we on a diet? 171 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,507 Because we put our jeans on, and they won't button. 172 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,843 How come we can't eat because your jeans don't fit? 173 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,578 Yeah, why don't you just buy a bigger pair of jeans? 174 00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:26,747 Because, nobody asked you. 175 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,981 Nipsey Russell ain't fat. 176 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,883 What's he know about diets? Oh, when he went 177 00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,685 to Bermuda to do a comedy show, 178 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,054 he found that the women were very attractive. 179 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,056 Because they were the only ones on the island. 180 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:39,927 They stay slim by only eating fish and fruits. 181 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,129 So he decided to smash it up and put it in a glass? 182 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,263 Yes. 183 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,065 I'd rather eat the glass. 184 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,835 Well, I hope he took out the seeds and the bones. 185 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,538 Look, unless you guys want me to end up being fat, 186 00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:51,839 can you at least try it? 187 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,674 Well, I guess I do need to keep 188 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:56,076 my weight down-- I made the wrestling team. My man. 189 00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,678 You gonna be the next Iron sheik. 190 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,079 See, Nipsey can help you. 191 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:01,615 TONYA: Well, me and Drew are making a video. 192 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,250 I guess I should watch my weight, too. 193 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,852 I heard the camera adds ten pounds. 194 00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,520 Only if you eat them first. 195 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,021 You're not in the group. 196 00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,990 I will be. 197 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:15,529 While my dad drank up, I prepared to get beat up. 198 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,101 COACH: Look for it. Look for it. 199 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,803 Look, he's giving it to you. 200 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,572 Work it, work it. 201 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:25,873 Look for the leg. 202 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,708 Don't lock up! 203 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,010 REFEREE: Point to red! 204 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,948 (bones crunching, wrestler shrieking) 205 00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:36,249 Yeah! 206 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,290 Get him... Get him off. 207 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:46,293 I joined the wrestling team so I could get a varsity letter, 208 00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:48,929 but now I was afraid I would get three of them-- 209 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,230 D.O.A. 210 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:53,266 Smart bastard. 211 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,035 He used a Manhattan Neck Snap. 212 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,303 They just legalized it. 213 00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,238 You didn't mention I could get my neck snapped. 214 00:08:58,271 --> 00:08:59,940 We had a lot to go over. 215 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,009 That might be something you want to mention. 216 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,577 Look, you want to get your letter? 217 00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,045 Get out on that mat-- now. 218 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:20,193 The Tessio Tigers do not have a wrestler 219 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,129 to compete in this weight class, 220 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,197 and therefore, the Tattaglia Sleeping Fish 221 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,266 win by default! 222 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,771 Look at you, with your win by forfeit, huh? 223 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,873 You're one step closer to that letter. 224 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,943 I'm just glad my neck still works. 225 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,915 Back at school, the Black Plague was killing them. 226 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,064 While I was on top of the world, 227 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,132 Tonya was just trying to get put on. 228 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,034 Have you found a third member yet? 229 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:03,236 No, not yet, but I will soon. 230 00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,305 See ya tomorrow. 231 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,273 See ya. 232 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,975 See ya! 233 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,789 * So all you fly mothers 234 00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,891 * Get on out there and dance 235 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,359 * Dance, I said 236 00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,962 * Salt-N-Pepa's hit, and we're in effect * 237 00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,764 * Want you to push it, babe 238 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:34,301 * Coolin' by day, then at night working up a sweat * 239 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,770 * Come on, girls, let's go show the guys * 240 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:39,206 * That we know how to become number one * 241 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,874 * In a hot party show 242 00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,375 * Now push it 243 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:43,777 * Push it * 244 00:10:43,811 --> 00:10:45,713 * Push it good 245 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,848 * Push it * 246 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,416 * Push it real good 247 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,251 * Ah, push it * 248 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,821 * Push it good. 249 00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:57,024 Whoa. 250 00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,759 When did you learn how to do that? 251 00:10:58,792 --> 00:10:59,893 It doesn't matter. 252 00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,228 Now, am I in the group or not? 253 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,396 Yeah. 254 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,165 All right, then. 255 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:07,134 While Tonya had made the group, 256 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,302 my mother was making more shakes. 257 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,839 I made extra in case anybody wants seconds. 258 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,440 Nobody wanted firsts. 259 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,943 Hey, Chris, how's it going on the wrestling team? 260 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,911 Oh, I'm undefeated. They call me the Black Plague. 261 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,147 Isn't that an insult? 262 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,849 Well, I'm just glad you're winning. 263 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,216 You don't want to know the things they called 264 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,584 Jackie Robinson. 265 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:27,154 If you really want to know, ask Michael Richards or Don Imus. 266 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,856 You know, these shakes would be really good 267 00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:30,090 with a burger and some fries. 268 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,892 Can we get some real food? 269 00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,460 Yeah. I'm hungry. Me, too. 270 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:34,895 Look, why don't 271 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,429 we all just give this diet a chance? 272 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,365 I think it's pretty good, actually. 273 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,333 My father didn't really like the shakes. 274 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,003 He just found out it was cheaper than groceries. 275 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,772 And, you know, since we've been on this diet, 276 00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,373 I've saved over $50 in groceries. 277 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,175 Told you. 278 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,877 While I was waiting on my letter, 279 00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,411 Drew was handing his out. 280 00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:53,013 So these are your costumes. 281 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,181 I don't like these. 282 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,983 What's wrong with what I had on? 283 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:58,018 It'll look better on TV. 284 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,187 Tonya, just wear what I gave you. 285 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,390 Okay, we have rehearsals every day at 3:00. 286 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,325 I'm not rehearsing at 3:00. 287 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,894 That's when I watch my game shows. 288 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,461 Let's do it at 4:00. 289 00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:09,429 Is that cool with y'all? 290 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:10,764 Yeah. Works for me. 291 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:19,039 Later, it turned out everybody in the house 292 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,307 was on a diet when they were together. 293 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:23,777 When they were apart, it was a different story. 294 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:28,048 My mother ate fries... 295 00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,355 Tonya ate slices... 296 00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:45,332 Drew ate doughnuts... 297 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:53,206 And I ate it all. 298 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,942 What's all this for? 299 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,343 Something to show our appreciation 300 00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,045 for representing our school so well. 301 00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,279 And, if you get a letter, 302 00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:00,580 there's more where that came from. 303 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,549 A lot more. A lot more. 304 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,485 Unfortunately, they were still talking about cookies. 305 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,054 The only one who was drinking 306 00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,856 instead of eating was my father. 307 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:09,923 This stuff is pretty good! 308 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,291 Y'all want some more? No. 309 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,226 No. That's all right. I gotta go 310 00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:14,594 clip my toenails. 311 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,229 More for me. 312 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,298 While my father was pounding shakes, 313 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,000 I was pounding cake. 314 00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,302 Chris, get on the scale. 315 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,237 Hold this. 316 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,943 One-fourteen. 317 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,845 You're going to have to wrestle a class up today. 318 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,080 How did that happen? 319 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,181 What did you expect? 320 00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:35,515 You ate a couple pieces of pound cake, 321 00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,150 so you gained a couple of pounds. 322 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:38,551 Anyways, I gotta go to drama club. 323 00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,087 Be careful out there, man. 324 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,022 I'm not worried about it. 325 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,257 What difference could a pound make? 326 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,459 None, unless I had to fight somebody. 327 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,339 Ow. 328 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:04,878 Not even Don King could have fixed that match. 329 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,150 Unfortunately for me, they found a cure 330 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,452 for the Black Plague: a good ass whooping. 331 00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:13,486 Hey, Coach. 332 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,957 Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. 333 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,558 I'm not your coach anymore. 334 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,093 What? 335 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,962 Yeah, look, you had a good run, 336 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,530 but you're off the team. 337 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:24,998 How am I off the team? 338 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,099 I was undefeated. 339 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,268 Look, at 113, you were 7-0, 340 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,937 but you gained weight, you went up a class. 341 00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,104 You're 0-1. 342 00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,940 I'm sorry there, Plague. 343 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,042 Reign of terror is done. 344 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,144 Do I still get my varsity letter? 345 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:39,512 Look, you showed up for practice, 346 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,082 you put in the time, and you won by forfeit. 347 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,516 I can't penalize you for that, 348 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,485 but when you actually had to compete 349 00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,087 against somebody, you lost. 350 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,589 Now, I could give you a letter, 351 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:52,559 but it would be an "L" for "loser." 352 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,194 Maybe next time. 353 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,063 Let's go. 354 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,965 Hey. 355 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,535 Oh, Chris. 356 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:05,305 What were you thinking, getting out on that mat? 357 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,240 I was trying to get a varsity letter. 358 00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:08,708 Well, you didn't need to go out there 359 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,044 and let those boys go upside your head for that. 360 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,645 There are other ways to get a letter. 361 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,247 Like what? 362 00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,049 You could audition for the drama club. 363 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,518 You can get a letter for being an actor? Sure. 364 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:22,255 I bet you'd be a natural, like Jim Kelly, Jim Brown, 365 00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:24,457 Blackula, O.J. Simpson. 366 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:28,195 Your people have a natural facility for deception. 367 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:30,463 Why not use it to your advantage? 368 00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:32,399 'Cause I'm too busy robbing people, 369 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,235 dealing drugs and making babies. 370 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,005 While I was thinking about acting, Tonya was acting out. 371 00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:39,206 * Baby, baby 372 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,274 * Ooh, baby, baby. 373 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,976 All right, that was pretty good. 374 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,077 It was sloppy. 375 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:47,047 Let's take it from the top. No, Tonya, it was fine. 376 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,681 Do you want fine or spectacular? 377 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,618 All right, let's take it from the top. 378 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,186 Thank you. 379 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,487 ("Push it" by Salt-N-Pepa playing) 380 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:55,722 * Push it... 381 00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:58,591 And five, six, seven, eight. 382 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,634 You're eating a Slopper? 383 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,602 You want a bite? 384 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,540 So I've been spending money on shakes 385 00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,408 while you've been wasting money on food? 386 00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:18,378 Only my father would think food was a waste of money. 387 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:20,047 ALL: Yes. 388 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,583 I work two jobs, and you let me leave the house 389 00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,285 with nothing on my stomach 390 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,386 but a fish juice shake? 391 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:29,089 Not cool, unless your husband's a shark. 392 00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:32,592 If this is how you do when you're trying to get skinny, 393 00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,427 I'd rather have you fat. 394 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:37,364 That's what Kirstie Alley's man said to her. 395 00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:40,400 Chris, I'm so glad you decided to audition. 396 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,701 I need a letter. 397 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,637 So, what have you prepared for us, Chris? 398 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,673 I would like to do a selection from Uncle Ben's Cabin. 399 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,509 You mean Uncle Tom's Cabin? No. 400 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,411 Uncle Ben's-- it's a lesser known work 401 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:52,645 by Mark Twain's cousin, Dwayne. 402 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,680 Dwayne Twain? 403 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,616 Yes. Go ahead. 404 00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:03,256 Rice, rice, rice. 405 00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:06,359 You think all I knows is rice? 406 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:08,328 I was there when George Washington Carver 407 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,363 shucked that first peanut. 408 00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:15,502 I make yams and corn and cotton, 409 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,805 but all America wants is them little grains of rice. 410 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,773 I gives 411 00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:24,344 and I gives... 412 00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:30,517 ...till I can't gives no more. 413 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:36,756 Still I rise. 414 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:41,661 Oh, Chris, I have just the part for you in our next production. 415 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:47,400 At the video shoot, Tonya was ready for her close-up. 416 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,502 Look, Tonya, for the sake of art and commerce, 417 00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,371 let's just get along, okay? 418 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,706 Honey, it's showtime. 419 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,209 Roll the tape. 420 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:57,744 Start the camera. 421 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,884 * Ooh, baby, baby 422 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,586 * Baby, baby 423 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,488 * Ooh, baby, baby 424 00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,757 * B-baby, baby... 425 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:13,260 I'm still mad. 426 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:17,797 Does that make it better? 427 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,466 A little. 428 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,305 How about that? 429 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,774 Mmm... that's pretty good. 430 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:33,213 How about that? 431 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,648 Why was I mad again? 432 00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:40,220 While my parents were making up, I was acting out. 433 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,322 Oh, Abe, 434 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,723 this is a wonderful play. 435 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,825 I think you're going to like it. 436 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:02,242 Yo, keep sending in those videos, but remember, 437 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:05,378 your song has to be original to be aired. 438 00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:06,846 Keep watching Video Turntable. 439 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,581 Well, thanks for the rehearsal space. 440 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:09,916 Yeah, too bad it didn't pay off, 441 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,418 but any idiot knows 442 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:12,719 you're supposed to sing your own songs. 443 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:13,820 That's okay. 444 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,922 You guys will figure out something better next time. 445 00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,590 Yeah, well, good luck. 446 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,460 There won't be a next time with me. 447 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,661 I'm taking the other girls 448 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,196 and we're starting our own group. 449 00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:26,433 Called TMA: Too Much Attitude. 450 00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,635 Ooh... 451 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:29,869 Bam! 452 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,539 Ma, why are you wearing my jeans? 453 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:33,740 These are my jeans. 454 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:34,741 No, they're not. 455 00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,443 They're my ten dollar lucky jeans. 456 00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,545 I always keep ten dollars in the right front pocket. 457 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,215 You mean I've been killing myself 458 00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:44,251 to get into a boy's pair of pants? 459 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,418 You and Michael Jackson. 460 00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:46,486 That was... 461 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,856 $98.45 worth of wasted shakes. 462 00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,591 It's not a total waste. 463 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,496 Baby, give me a biscuit. 464 00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,400 You're a terrible producer. 465 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,001 The next day at school, 466 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,837 my quest for a varsity letter finally came to an end. 467 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:05,905 What's this? 468 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,574 It's your letter. 469 00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,446 This is a letter. 470 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,981 Exactly. 471 00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:18,418 It's a letter welcoming you into the Varsity Drama Club. 472 00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:21,354 If only I could letter in choking the principal out. 473 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,290 * Everybody hates Chris. 474 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:27,226 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org